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EnactJudo

181 Art Reviews

80 w/ Responses

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Suggestions? Hmm, lets see.

The author's self insert keeps acting out the author's misogyny and the girl cries and is probably raped or some other creepy shit. Then the author's self insert marries someone who wants a green card and is promptly divorced which leads to him to getting hit by a bus.

AKABUR responds:

Go crawl back under the bridge you came from...

lol

Castlebrava responds:

:3 <3

yeah, p. much.

First and foremost is the eyes- for lack of a better term they're simply incorrect. Her left eye is far too lopsided. Overall the face needs to be redone entirely- chin, cheeks, mouth, etc.

Next- you seem to disguise a massive amount of the body in black, effectively hiding a lot of errors in proportion and eliminating any sort of depth detail as well. My suggestion is never use pure black- stick with a very dark navy. Another suggestion, if this was intentional, would be to practice instead of hiding it.

A simple/lazy method of adding a bit of detail/light source would be airbrushing white or grays onto the body where your light source hits.

I like what you did with the light stream coming from the weapon though.

I like the overall design, if you worked a little harder on just drawing it better it would be great.

lol butts

Panel one: kinda weird. Panel two: kinda gross.

That's actually kind of interesting, good design.

seriously man why don't you have a tablet yet?

Sunrie responds:

Because I'm poor at the moment :(

I will give critique to both writing and picture.

Starting with the writing. Overall it seems excessively too Mary Sue, there is way too much stress on people being cruel and too many plot holes. Not to mention after "she turns 18" you switch from descriptive to narrative. You can have a tragic/disturbing backstory for a character without forcefully making said character's every moment of life a twisted torrent of hate and violence.

Perhaps after her mother fails to abort her(which is sort of a plothole- how do you fail to abort a fetus?), she ends up raising her without hate. But her father's blood awakens and she shys away from comfort, running away, mixing with drugs and whatnot, THEN getting human trafficked and eventually murdering her pimp and co-workers or some shit. I don't know.

As for drawing- Way too many thick awkward lines; especially the waist. Shoulder line is excessively bigger than the waist which is a no-no. Nipples are a bit crooked and the breasts and shoulderline proportions are inverted( For example, if you kept the current shoulder proportion with the left shoulder slightly relaxed- then the left breast would be slightly more sagged than the right.) Not to mention I just don't feel the shape of the shoulderline in general.

Keep at it.

Male

Yelling at faggots

Joined on 2/20/11

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